The Blue Streams of Time: A Physical Apology
by Soma's Corner
Summary: Two years after the Tenrou Island incident, Crime Sorciere are continuing their mission to defeat Zeref. While they take a night to rest, Jellal finds some time to brood in the woods. He's not alone for long, however, as Ultear approaches him with something she needs to tell him. How will he react? And how will this fateful night affect their relationship?


It was late in the night of another day of Crime Sorciere's travels. The group of three had decided to set up camp in some woods for the night, too far away from any town at the time to find a hotel to rest at. With their modest dinners eaten and their fire put out, the trio decided to turn in for the night. Or at least try to, anyway. After an hour of uncomfortable turning, Jellal gave up on a long night's sleep and instead decided to settle himself with some quiet reflection to try and clear his thoughts. Making sure to be discreet, Jellal slid out of his sleeping bag and headed away from the camp to a stream they'd found and decided to use for water for the night. Jellal sat down on a small rock at the side of the stream and watched the wildlife in the stream take its course. His mind began to wander, spiralling out into the usual thoughts that visited him. A mixture of determination for the future marred by the shame of his past. It didn't matter how much he tried to focus on his goal of atoning for his sins by bringing Zeref to justice, the weight of his actions while he was possessed weighed on his mind too heavily to not slow him down.

Jellal was lost in thoughts, all alone. So much so, that he failed to notice the presence growing closer to him until he heard some shuffling and an elegant, feminine voice speak his name. Jellal turned around to see the figure of Ultear standing at a nearby tree, her deep purple hair and creamy pale skin illuminating the darkness of the night. Jellal could barely make her out as she stood in the shadow of the tree, but the light streaming down from the silver moon above them gave her away.

"Ultear… I thought you and Meredy would be asleep by now." Jellal said.

"She is, but I've never really been one for sleeping rough." Ultear answered as she walked towards him. "And what's your excuse?"

"I'm not particularly sleepy at the moment." It was a true enough statement. The day really hadn't been too difficult. They'd located and defeated another Dark Guild, however this one was relatively minor and, while the gratitude of the village they'd saved from it was rewarding, it didn't bring them any closer to their ultimate goal. But more than that, Jellal's mind was just too clouded for the joy of sleep at the moment, his heart too clogged to allow himself to rest. Ultear sensed something was wrong, and with a quick nod from Jellal, perched herself on the rock next to him. The two sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, the sounds of the nature around them being the backdrop to the silent conversation. It wasn't awkward, however. Merely the silence shared by a pair that had developed a sort of implicit understanding at this point.

By now, Ultear and Jellal had been travelling together along with Meredy as Crime Sorciere for about 2 years. During this time, Jellal had regained his memory, as well as the pain that came with it. Ultear also confessed to him by this point that it was not Zeref that had possessed his mind in the Tower of Heaven and caused the brutality and slavery he mindlessly engaged in, but herself, using her magic to take advantage of his weakened and vulnerable mind. To her surprise, and guilt, Jellal never blamed her or lashed out at her. He merely said "That explains why "Zeref" had such a feminine voice" and moved on, never bringing it up to her in an accusatory way at all. In the face of this, Ultear couldn't help but implicitly dedicate herself to Jellal's goal, and devote herself to supporting him and Meredy, probably she guessed, in the hopes that she'd eventually forgive herself for what she did to him.

"The more I think about it." She thought, as she gazed at the flowing stream. "The more I realise I can't ever make up for that fully. I stole an innocent man's future from him. Worse, I forced him to throw it away himself. More than anything, that's my greatest regret. But it doesn't matter. Even if I can never absolve myself, even if he doesn't blame me, I still to it to him to apologise properly."

Ultear made to speak, but Jellal got there first. Keeping his eyes trained on the water, Jellal raised his voice just slightly. "Do you ever wonder if this journey is worthwhile?" he asked. Ultear was so preoccupied with her own statement that she was tongue-tied and couldn't give an immediate answer. Jellal took this as a signal to go on and continued "I just keep thinking to myself "What's the point? We can crush dozens of Dark Guilds. Hundreds of them. But that can't erase our previous misgivings. I feel as if the blood of our old sins will always be a stain on the tapestry of our lives."

Ultear looked away for a second to collect her thoughts, before heaving a sigh and responding. "I know what you mean. And to be honest, I'm not sure. The thought weighs on my mind too. I spend so many nights wondering if this is really worth it. I think about how much easier life would be if the past just hadn't happened. But I've come to a conclusion. Even if it turns out our efforts aren't enough to redeem us. Even if we should be found wanting at the gates of Judgement when we pass on, the smiles on the faces of those people that we help tells me that all this is worth going through anyway." Jellal remained quiet, allowing Ultear to continue to spill out her thoughts "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I carry the burden of my regret everyday. But I've never once considered what we do a mistake. These past 2 years have been the happiest of my life. Being able to spend everyday helping people with Meredy, and you, Jellal, is something I consider a privilege, and I'll never take that for granted. I'm proud to be a member of Crime Sorciere."

Jellal looked stunned, before slowly nodding, as he finally allowed himself a smile. "That's a good way to look at it. I never imagined you being so optimistic" he teased. Ultear responded with a smirk of her own and said "Well, even after 2 years travelling together, you'll find I'm still full of surprises." as she nudged his shoulder with her own. "I suppose you can credit most of it to Meredy, though. Ever since we left Grimoire Heart and began our travels together, she's become so much happier and full of life." Ultear's smirk faded into a more wistful smile as she looked down. "To tell you the truth, I'd almost rather she wasn't on this mission with us. She's too pure for something like this."

Jellal looked at Ultear, commenting "You really love her, don't you?". Ultear nodded. "She's basically a daughter to me." She replied. "I don't know what I'd do without her, but if us being apart would be best for her, then that's what I would want, no questions asked." Jellal took these words in for a few seconds, closing his eyes and ruminating on them. After a pregnant pause, he looked at Ultear again and said "You're a good person, Ultear." Ultear couldn't resist the scoff that came from her throat and she looked Jellal in his dark brown eyes. "Nice try" She scoffed. "But you don't have to try to make me feel better by lying to me. You know as well as I what I am: A witch. I try to do what's right in the hopes of being able to walk the path of light again, but I'd never be so deluded as to think someone who's done what I have could ever be thought of as "good"".

Jellal shook his head. "You're too hard on yourself, Ultear-" He began, but Ultear cut him off, suddenly incensed, as she said "No, I'm really not. And even if I were, _someone_ has to be, since you clearly won't do it." Jellal looked at her confused.

"What do you mean by that?" He asked. Inside, Ultear felt the guilt that she'd had festering within her suddenly boil over into frustration, and she couldn't stop herself from lashing out.

"How can you be so kind to me? You realise that I basically ruined your life? Everything bad you've ever done. The reason it's so hard for you to smile. The reason you're here right now with me, when you could be sharing a bed with the woman you love. It's all because of me. By all accounts, you should hate me! But instead, you gave Meredy and I a purpose, and you lead us to a brighter future, to a day where we can join the people we know and love in the light again. And you've never blamed me, not once. _How_? I just can't understand it." Ultear continued to glare directly into Jellal's eyes as he sat stunned, almost as if she was scanning his soul for any trace of anger or resentment that would confirm her thoughts that he was really just trying to pretend he didn't blame her. After all, why shouldn't he? For his own part, Jellal looked back into Ultear's eyes as she looked into his, allowing himself to see through them into her pain. Jellal knew that all three members of Crime Sorciere struggled with their own personal demons, but in this moment, he truly felt that he understood Ultear's exactly, and he knew exactly what to say.

Jellal sighed and looked down. "I suppose it's because… I can understand how you feel." he said. Ultear was taken aback by this, quirking a brow to signal Jellal to continue. He complied, saying "We both came from harsh backgrounds. I had the love and support of a group of friends around me to keep myself from giving into my own anger and pain. Most of all, I had Erza. As long as she was around, I just had a feeling things would work out. But you… you never had that." Ultear had told Jellal her whole story up to the present in the first year they'd spent together. While he already knew much of this from their time together in the Magic Council, she thought it was only fair she laid herself bare before him in this way after everything she'd put him through. Jellal realised the depth of the loneliness and despair she'd had to bear as a mere child, and couldn't find anything in his heart to make him blame her. "Really, a lot of what you did almost makes sense. I imagine most people would've acted similarly in the same scenario, even if they wouldn't admit it. There's probably a good chance I would."

Ultear looked shocked for a second, before sighing as her earlier passion wore off, drifting into the cool breeze of the night. "You know, you really are terribly good-natured." She chuckled. Jellal laughed back before yawning. "And terribly sleepy all of a sudden. It seems our little chat has taken the weight off his mind for the time being. I feel a lot better. Thank you, Ultear." Jellal stood up and turned to leave when he felt something stop him. He turned his head to see Ultear gripping at his sleeve. "Wait." She simply said. Her hair hung over her face, and Jellal got the feeling she was building herself up to say something. "Just… wait a second…." Ultear got up and stepped towards Jellal. She took a breath and began to speak. "I know you just said you don't blame me, but that's you. I still blame myself for what I did to you each and everyday. That's what I wanted to talk to you about in the first place tonight."

"Ultear…"

"Please, just let me finish. I realised something recently. Even with everything that's happened over the last few years, the three of us trying to earn forgiveness. There's one thing I haven't done that's crucial to that." Jellal's curiosity was piqued by that comment, and he quirked a brow, urging her to say what it was. "And that thing is to apologise to you. I've devoted myself to supporting you and your goal in the hopes of redemption, but how can someone be redeemed for something without ever actually apologising for it first? So…. Here goes. I'm sorry, Jellal. I'm so, so sorry for everything I did to you back then. I'm glad that we've been able to become… close, even with all that, but if you decided you never wanted to see me again, I'd totally understand."

There was a heavy silence at Ultear's words. The formerly companionable mood in the air flowed away with the nearby stream, replaced by a palpable tension between Ultear and Jellal as they looked into each other's eyes. Jellal slowly took one step towards Ultear, and then another, and another until they were essentially touching. Ultear's breath began to quicken-she had no idea how Jellal was about to act.

Even with this sense of trepidation, she could never have expected the embrace that Jellal wrapped her in. She was stunned at first. She'd hadn't been this physically intimate with Jellal in years. Back when he was still under her influence, they were comfortable around each other, and had a certain physical chemistry, though things never went too far beyond flirtation. But this was different. There was a feeling in the air, a kind of urgency coming from Jellal, almost as if he was trying to prove his acceptance of her with his very body. This feeling was confirmed by his words.

"This probably won't change anything for you." He began. "But I want you to know that never seeing you again is a wish I won't make until I'm cold and dead. You're my friend, Ultear. Forgetting everything else that's happened, you mean a lot to me. And while I appreciate the apology, it's not necessary. I totally and completely accept you."

Ultear almost felt tears run down her face as she heard Jellal speak. Without really thinking about it, she lifted her arms up and wound her arms around Jellal's back, returning his embrace. The two remained like this, sharing their heartbeats, for several seconds. Eventually, Ultear lifted up her head to find Jellal's eyes staring back at hers, a warmth and caring in them that she'd never received from a man before. For Jellal's part, Ultear's eyes let him see her relief and comfort around him, along with a certain clouding that particularly struck him. Jellal craned his neck down and the two connected their foreheads, as Ultear took Jellal's cheek in her palm. The tension between them was thick and heavy, as if the woods around them could crush them at any moment.

The both of them had always found the other attractive. Ultear's voluptuous curves and glossy, purple hair had always caught Jellal's attention, as well as her sensual, womanly voice and demeanor. Ultear felt a similar attraction, owing to Jellal's muscular shape and vivid blue locks, combined with his smooth and seductive voice and the air of calm dominance he always exuded. This had never led to much, but in those few moments, both of them drowned in their chemistry, as Jellal gently placed his hand behind Ultear's head and placed a kiss on her crimson red lips. Ultear returned the kiss, reaching up and wrapping her arms around Jellal's shoulders.

The kiss was gentle at first, tame, almost guilty. However, as the pair continued, they began to lose themselves in the other. Their kissing grew more frantic, a sense of almost desperation reaching them. Jellal wrapped his arms around Ultear's waist tightly, and Ultear leaned further into him, their silent dance conveying just how much they accepted each other. Ultear slipped her hands down and slid them under Jellal's shirt as they kissed, subtly rubbing his abdomen.

"Closer." She crooned huskily. "I want to get closer."

This was enough to send Jellal into a fever and he drove Ultear into a nearby tree and held her arms up, momentarily subduing her physically, while he showered her neck and the swell of her chest. Ultear wasn't to remain submissive for so long however, as she wrapped her legs around Jellal's, pressing herself even harder into him, before lifting his shirt up and raining down on his body with her own lips, sending him into a higher pleasure. This frenzied tangle of bodies grew more and more intense by the second, clothes being lost in accordance with the action. Like a firework in the night sky, it climbed higher and higher until reaching it's only possible conclusion, as the unforgiven pair found their solace in each other's bodies.

* * *

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** _Phew_ , well that was quite the experience to write! Hope all you readers loved it too!

Anybody who was wondering what the hold up with the next Shadow Blade was need look no further. I'd been considering writing a story between Ultear and Jellal for a while now. I've always liked the chemistry they've shared on-screen. Especially in the early days when they were still "evil", I could easily imagine them having fling of some sort.

This li'l oneshot was also an experiment of sorts. Up till now, I've been very much about the warm, clean feelings in my writing ("cute" and "adorable" are easily the most common adjectives people have used to describe Shadow Blade so far), which I'm happy with. But I also wanted to try writing something a bit darker and more "angsty", for want of a better word. I'll never be the type to do grimdark, everyone dies and cheats on each other kinda stuff, but this was a bit of a change for me.

I've also never written a "love scene" of any real sort before, so that was also a bit different. To tell the truth, I was actually intending this to be smut, but I wanted to give it some setup first, and it just totally snowballed. Also, I couldn't really bring myself to write a full sex scene, it just felt too weird. One day I might get there, we'll see.


End file.
